When Praying is Hard.

I show up with my checklist and good intentions and find that He is waiting for me.  

He is always waiting for me.

"Good morning, Courtney," He greets me.

"Good morning."  I smile at Him and He has never stopped smiling at me and I wonder how I can feel such peace when my mind is so frantic.  

As I sit next to Him, He turns to me.  "I'm so happy that you showed up.  I have so many exciting things to tell you--"

"And I'm really excited to be here, God.  But I only have a half hour until I have to get ready for work and then things just get crazy, so I was thinking that I could let you know about some of the things I need and then we can see what kind of time we have left.  Okay?"

His smile never wavers.  "I don't think--"

"Awesome," I interrupt.  Consulting my checklist, I continue, "First things first, forgive me for anything I've done.  Let's just get that out of the way."

I can hear Him chuckling, can feel His shoulders shaking from the impact of His laughter.  "Courtney, that's not the way this works."

"I just want to cover my bases, God."

"I can see that."  He gently takes the checklist from my hands.  "But this time spent with you is very precious to Me.  Please don't rush it."

Feeling deflated, I whine, "But, God, I have so many things I need to do and so many things to pray about.  I don't know how else to fit it all in."

"Just sit with Me," He says.  "Just rest in My presence.  I don't want your checklist.  I want you.  I want your heart, your time.  I want you to know My heart for you, My will for you."

I look at my checklist resting in His hands.  Can it be true?  Can it be true that my God would want to simply spend time with me?

My gaze finds His and I see the answer there.  He will take care of every need.  And He will listen to every earnest request that I bring to Him.  This time spent with Him isn't about changing His mind, but about changing my heart.

I lean back against my chair and look over at Him.  Smiling, I say, "Let's try this again.  Good morning, God."

He grins.  "Good morning, Courtney.  I'm so happy that you showed up.  I have so many exciting things to tell you . . ."

{Do you bring your checklist and good intentions to your time with God?  I'm the worst.  But as prayer time has become a struggle over the past week or so, I've felt Him continually reminding me that our time together shouldn't be about obligation.  It shouldn't be something I zip through so I can move on to the next thing for the day.  Our time together should be about sharing my heart and learning more of His.  May I always remember.  May we always stand amazed and never take for granted the fact that our Creator adores us and wants to spend time with us.}   

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Day Fourteen.

You can find the rest of the series here.