When You're Single.

We're sitting in IHOP and I'm checking my Facebook to pass the time.  I run across my friend's picture and smile.  She's gorgeous and married with a family of her own.  I show the picture to Momma and she smiles, too.  Then she looks at me and tilts her head.  "You'll have your turn, baby girl."

My smile slips and I look away, out the window, because this is awkward and vulnerable and nobody knows this ache deep in my chest like Momma does.  And I finally push the words out, past the lump in my throat, past the cracking of my heart.  "That may not be part of my story.  And I need to be okay with that."

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There's a line in Tangled that I love.  (Let's be honest.  There are a TON of lines in Tangled that I love because, well, Disney.)  Flynn Ryder, or Eugene, says, "She was a princess worth waiting for."  And I have always hoped to be that.  Every single time I hear that line, my heart does this weird flip in my chest and I pray that the Lord would make me a woman worth waiting for.  

Please don't misunderstand.  I am only twenty-two, still young with plenty of time.  I'm not trying to rush the process.  I'll be the first to tell you that in being single, I am looking for an addition of extra joy in my life.  I am not looking for completion because I'm already complete in Christ.  

But my mother was married at this age.  My mother gave birth to me at this age.  She had created a new life and I'm still just trying to find mine.  And although I am generally satisfied with my single status, sometimes I feel so lonely that my insides ache.  

I want a husband, but not because I don't want to be alone.  I want a best friend, a partner to do life with.  I want someone to pour all of this love and support on, someone who will love life and Jesus with me.  And I want a family with my husband.  I want children, but not just because I want babies.  I want little ones to teach and make memories with because I know that, at the end of this life, my children will be my greatest work on display.  And the way that I loved them and their father will be my legacy.    

It's easy to grow impatient in the waiting, especially when the object that you're waiting for isn't guaranteed.  I'm not telling you that you shouldn't believe God for a spouse.  I'm telling you that although I don't talk about it very often, although I tend to hold my cards pretty close to my chest concerning my singleness, I know. 

I know what it's like to flinch at an engagement ring, hold back tears at a pregnancy announcement, and secretly wonder if there really is something wrong with you.  I know what it's like to be asked on a regular basis if you're married yet and then asked why you're not.  I know what it's like to be scared that you'll never be ready.  I know what it's like to be so full of pride that you don't want anyone to know any of these things.

It's okay.  You don't have to admit them to me or to anyone else.  Just know that you're not as alone as you feel.  And know that life is still beautiful even if it doesn't include a spouse or family of your own right now.

I am single, but I am not incomplete.  And neither are you.  My heart may ache with loneliness and the desire for a family of my own until the day that I die, but even then, I will praise Him.  My life is full and vibrant and beautiful and it will remain that way as long as I keep trusting God with it.  Whether my future holds a Mr. Right or not, He is still good.  He's still for me and He's still in my corner and that's all I really need.  That is enough for me.

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Day Twenty Four.

You can find the rest of the series here.