Through the thin walls of my bedroom, I could hear my daddy talking.  And with each word he spoke, something gripped my heart tighter and tighter.  The ache of a familiar pain eased into my chest and I held my breath, wondering if the simple action could stop the pain from spreading.  It had been a while since I had felt this way, and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.  I had left it all in God's hands and trusted in His process.  

I discovered that day that I would soon be returning to one of the places of my deepest heartaches.  

As you can imagine, this discovery was not easily welcomed.  Although I had forgiven, I was far from forgetting and, through a series of events, I was led to believe that there was a slim chance of returning to this particular place.  The realization that such a beautiful part of my life was officially over left me saddened, but I felt that it was appropriate and grieved the loss accordingly.  I chalked it up as a memory and went on my merry way.  Little did I know that God had different plans.

I've learned that God loves me enough to make sure that I heal correctly.  Just like doctors monitor a wound after surgery, God monitors the progress of my healing.  And if, for whatever reason, He finds that I'm not healing correctly, He will break me again and again until I get it right.  The first time I realized this, I cried out in pain and wondered how on earth this could possibly be part of His plan.  But I've discovered over the years that each broken moment leads to a greater place in my relationship with Christ.  Each time I'm broken, only to be put back together again, my heart gets a little bit stronger.  It beats a little more confidently.  It follows my Father's lead with a renewed faith in His ability to cherish it as no other has cherished it before.  

I have left this situation in the hands of my Father.  I see where He has brought me from thus far, and although I can't see the future, I have faith that He will safely guide me in every tomorrow I am blessed with.  Whether He is breaking me again in order for me to heal correctly or testing the healing that I've acquired, I know He has a plan.  This is all part of His divine design.  

I can honestly say that, at one time, I wished nothing more than to simply leave the past in the past and move forward.  Sometimes it is best to do that.  But it is always best to leave it all in the hands of God and trust in His plan.  Sometimes, my friend, you will be required to return to your greatest hurts.  You will be required to face the people who have molded you the most in life, whether it be for the best or the worst.  You will be required to go back in order to move forward.  Not because our God enjoys putting you through pain or because He doesn't offer freedom from our past.  

But because sometimes there are lessons to be learned.  Sometimes there are hidden issues to be dealt with.  And sometimes, in the midst of the pain, God can be found.  Sometimes you have to go back in order to move forward because your healing lies in the last place you left your hope.  Regardless of the situation, know that God is always with you.  He has a plan for this.  And if you hold tightly to His hand, He will lead you through yesterday and into the tomorrow He has waiting for you.  

1 comment:

  1. wow, so true. a lesson I needed to be reminded of.