That is the only word I can think of that summarizes what my heart feels.  A week ago, I was fine.  Today, I am not. 

I have always been a pretty optimistic individual.  If something is broken, I have faith that it will be fixed or that it was never meant to work properly to begin with.  If relationships end, I have faith that God will restore what has been damaged or He will reveal His will and happiness shall commence.  If people make unfortunate decisions, I have faith that eventually, somewhere down the road of life, they will come to their senses and realize how close happiness was the entire time. 

Unfortunately, I am learning that not everything is lollipops and daisies.  In fact, life is difficult.  People make wrong decisions.  Horrible decisions.  Decisions that not only alter their lives, but affect the lives of those who cared deeply about them.  Sometimes they are given the chance to recover from such decisions; sometimes, unfortunately, they are not. 

People are human.  And they make mistakes.  For some, it means losing a life.  It means the light of a beautiful soul being extinguished far too soon.  For others, it means losing a reputation.  It means looks of disapproval, hushed whispers, condemnation, and guilt.  There are some who just don't realize what they have.  There are some who just aren't satisfied, for whatever reason, with what God has blessed them with.  Regardless of the circumstances, a decision has been made. 

And at this point, I have found that my response to such decisions is just as important as the decision itself.  As a child of God, do I choose to extend forgiveness or do I choose to extend scorn?  As a follower of Christ, do I choose to get angry or do I choose to fall on my knees and cry out to my Father in prayer? 

There is no doubt that I am disappointed.  I am confused, surprised, bewildered.  I don't understand.  I've tried for days to wrap my mind around things.  I've cried myself to sleep with the questions lingering on my lips as tears lingered on my eyelashes.  I believe God is in control, but I also believe people have free will.  And that thought has never broken my heart as much as it has in the past week with the situations surrounding me. 

But the anger has passed.  The shock has disappeared.  The hurt is hidden in the heart of Christ.  All that is left now is such a beautiful word: mercy.  I personally am extending mercy.  Because I love with a love that is so deeply rooted in my soul that I couldn't rip it out if I wanted to.  I love with a love that flows from the throne of God Himself.  And because my God is everything He said He is, He extends mercy as well. 

Hope is not lost.  It is not gone forever.  Because a wonderful act of kindness and sincere compassion was done for us on Calvary.  When the death of Jesus was complete, mercy was available in its fullest capacity.  And it is that mercy, bought with the blood of my Savior, that covers my life.  It is also that precious mercy that I extend to you. 


  1. I love it courtney, you are being used by God..and i can see you a very special to him

  2. Praise God for His Sweet Mercy! Much needed for us Humans!!

  3. Amen! We are undeserving, but He gives it freely. How awesome is that?