New Things.

My heart was hurting.  A recent situation had left an ache in my chest and I've never been a fan of that kind of pain.  My spirit stood still, knowing that God was in control and knew what He was doing.  My flesh cried and pounded fists into pillows and quietly stared into the distance.  I didn't know what God was doing, but it hurt like crazy and I didn't remember signing up for it.

But one day, when I was in the middle of complaining about the hurting and the loss, God reminded me that I began this year with the intentions of living in the deep end.  Although I wanted to love better and believe more and experience life in a deeper way than ever before, the ultimate goal was to become new in Christ again.  I wanted to find my identity so that I could feel like I was finally fitting in the place He created for me, like I was finally doing what I was meant to do.

I wanted needed God to do a new thing in my life.

What I didn't realize while my heart was hurting and the tears were falling and I was reminiscing over a person who had gracefully exited my life was that God is doing a new thing in my life.  And the pain that I'm feeling?  The pain that I typically wish to avoid?  It's a sign that I'm still alive, that I'm not dead yet, that my prayers are being answered and my life is being molded into something new.  

I want to be a reflection of Christ's love, to be in direct alignment with the Father's perfect will.  To spend my life seeking God's will for me means to spend my life constantly asking Him to chisel away at my life, my heart, and my spirit in order to create a closer resemblance to Him.  It means acknowledging that seasons are not forever, that people can leave, that painful changes can occur and, ultimately, it is all for His glory and for my good.  I want to live like I am new, like He has made me new and is continually making me new, because He has and He is.       

But here is where it gets difficult.  Because I can't ask God to do a new thing in my life unless I'm willing to let go of the old things in my life.

And neither can you.

We can't claim that we want God to move in mighty and miraculous ways and not give Him the freedom to do so.  We want the same people.  We want the same addictions.  We want the same comfortable sins.  And when God attempts to move them out of our lives so that He has space to move into our lives, we fight Him.  We hold onto the old things with a death grip and wonder why we feel stuck.

But He is willing, friends.  He is able, but He loves us too much to ever force us.  I'm learning, slowly and painfully, that God is a good God who will not give you anything He knows you're not ready to receive.  If you're praying for God to do new things but you won't release the old things, you're not ready.  If you're praying for new friends, better environments, and greater opportunities, but holding onto what you have now with a death grip, you're not ready. 

If we want to be released from the old, we have to first be willing to let it go.  It's funny how freedom looks an awful lot like surrender.  

It's not easy.  It's scary and it hurts.  I'm right there with you.  But it is worth it.  The changing and the chiseling that happen are not pleasant, but I am so grateful for the careful hand of Love that carves and slices into this rebellious heart in order to pump the saving and redeeming blood of Christ through it.  

God is willing to do a new thing in our lives.  Are we willing to let Him?